Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Feed: An Angry Post by Alisha

Feed (Newsflesh, #1)Feed by Mira Grant

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

So dumb: An Angry Analysis

And my final conclusion for this book is...

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Here's why I eye-rolled myself into a headache while reading Feed

Here we are, 28 years into the future and the blogging world is the shit! The world has turned to blogs for their reliable truth after the zombie apocalypse. Please tell me why I don't have to explain how dumb that is? Fine. Not a big deal? Okay.

The bloggers have broken themselves down into three categories:

Newsies--Yes, as in from the ancient movie of the same title. These folks are straight reporters.

Irwins--As in Steve Irwin. These are the action/dare devil reporters. Oh for fuck's sake! It's 28 years into the future, Irwin has been dead now for how many years? But no, we're Irwins!

Fictionals--See bad stories and worse poems.

While I'm raging about pop-culture, which seems to have stalled out in this book at 2001, how the hell do we have Newsies and Irwins and nobody's heard of Buffy the Vampire Slayer? M'Kay. Sure.

The technology seems to have stalled out around the early 2000s as well. Apparently, Georgia needs three cell phones--er, why? Also, why the fuck do I need to know this? Lots of dumb details really weigh the story down.

That was annoying, but more annoying were the pages worth of the setting up of the technology. Dear, Lord! I don't give a flying fuck why you connected this to that, or the other. I don't need to read more pages about Buffy fixing this and wires being connected. No! You are wasting my time!

Oh, and don't get me started on the finger pricking blood tests! Apparently they have to hurt because the pain is psychological BARLB WHMOLUM. SCIENCE!

So, consumers don't want a blood scanner that doesn't hurt? You know, because they NEVER have to scan? Oh, wait! They do have to scan? Like ever other page? Oh. So why the fuck does it have to hurt and prick every fucking finger? GARBLE BLARB, SCIENCE!

Meanwhile in politics...this boring shit happened.

Yes, Feed is far more about the politics of the future than anything else--especially zombies. Surprise, fuckers! This zombie book is not about zombies! We get to hear all about the state of the union from George, who is the most cliche, unlikeable, hypocritical character ever!

George and why I hate her:

Wears nondescript black clothing with lots of pockets and boots

Doesn't like touching or affection of any kind

Does not like animals

Has a strange relationship with adopted brother

Believes that showing emotion is weak

Is an egocentric asshole who likes the sound of her own voice

Loves to power play everyone, including her employees

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Grant writes George these horrible blog posts about her musings about the world. They suck! First, there's WAY too many of them. Second, they all start to blend together. Third, and this is 450 pages later, I began to realize that Grant is most likely the kind of person who loves the sound of her own voice. Oh, the self-important blathering!

Overall, this book is awful for all kinds of reasons! It's way too fucking long, the characters are completely without merit, and the story suuuukkkkxxx! Once I realized who the bad guy was, I was so done. Who wants to keep reading self-important BLAR BARL BLARB when you know who the cliche bad guy is. Can you say, President Snow, much?

Feed feels very much as though it were written ten years ago, or more. The pop culture references were terrible and could have been solved by changing the stupid terminology, or just not making the damn book set SO freaking far into the future. Newsies and Irwins? I about gagged. How dumb.

But here's the thing about dumb. I can suspend disbelief even for dumb if the characters and story work, but they didn't. George is awful and the plot is so predictable it actually made my head hurt. The world building was good, but honestly, a world without a plot is just a world.

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